


Between the Stars

by Archet



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Pathos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 08:14:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/708536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Archet/pseuds/Archet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve races the night looking for answers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Between the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Please heed the warning: Character Death (happens off screen)
> 
> Feedback: welcomed and appreciated

Steve flies in the space between the stars, in those dark places where the only lights are a pale, not unkind moon; a hatful of stars scattered over the sea. He travels alone, running the length of the beach, the sand wet and cool beneath his bare feet. There is nothing to slow him, to impede his race and he continues far into the distance until his body betrays him, muscles knotting up painfully.

It’s only physical pain though, so he goes on, managing to fly even further along the shadowed shoreline before his legs give way. He’s far from home when he folds, knees hitting the beach, fingers digging in on either side, scraping up two palms full of sea-washed dirt. His heartbeat thumps loudly in his ears and for an endless moment the sky and moon-silvered ocean pour into one another, become one depthless unbroken plain.

Before they can separate Steve forces his bent body upwards, drags himself to the shifting border of the ocean and flings himself clumsily across. He claws his way through the waves, cutting through the inky black for what seems like miles. He can’t be sure. Like the rest of his life there are no guideposts, no landmarks to mark his way. He just propels his body forward until there is nothing, finally, but the half-full moon overhead, the scrape of starlight against the sea. The warm waters are as smooth as plate glass when he finally has to stop to rest. 

Drifting on his back Steve stares upwards letting his breath calm, letting the cramps in his arms and legs relax into a simple ache. He wonders idly how far he might be able to venture before the ocean would take him. He wonders if all the answers he’s sought over the last excruciating months might reside there, in the deep water, and if by giving himself freely they might, at last, be shown to him. He wants to go there to ask his questions, to know once and for all.

He wants certainty, clarity. He wants faith… that there is more left for him than this unbroken hurt. 

Most of all, he wants to know that Danny is all right, wherever he is.

There is no knowing, though, without going there, and Steve recognizes he can’t just _go_. He is still tethered to shore. To selfishly cut them loose would dishonor Danny’s memory on a level Steve cannot justify. 

Allowing himself one last look into the silent night Steve turns and heads wearily back toward shore. Once there he’ll find waiting the responsibilities of his job, of which he’s become mostly indifferent, and a small knot of family that holds him fast to this life. They hold him, warm him, worry over him and love him and he will not turn his back on them, not even to find the answers that seem to lie just out of reach.

The need for answers drags at him like an anchor chain, compounds the exhaustion of his body, but he leaves them behind, drifting in the dark. After several minutes laboring among the swells, he makes it safely to land. He hauls himself from the sea dropping to the slick sand like a lead brick. 

He’s learned the most terrifying answer, anyway. The hole that was hewed in him when Danny went, that he kept wanting to be filled with tears, with liquor, with the deep water of the ocean, never will be. He’s stopped waiting for absolution. He must carry the absence with him instead.

How he is to manage this, Steve can’t imagine. The years stretch out ahead of him like the ocean, promising nothing but empty _space_. Loss doesn’t end with moving on; it continues too, a constant passenger along with the rest of the world, with all the things to come that Danno won’t be a part of. 

But, some things are still golden.

A sliver of sunlight brightens the edge of the ocean. Steve studies it as it strengthens where he lies on the beach like driftwood cast from the sea. He watches the stars fade, the spaces between bleeding back into a brilliant sunrise. 

There’s still a big part of Danny here on Earth. It’s the third Sunday of the month and Grace will be along soon for their regularly scheduled breakfast. It’s a date he will not miss. A landmark to guide him. Pushing up slowly from the wet sand, Steve stands, the promise of his date with Gracie beckoning. He begins the long trek back, walking alongside his own footsteps made in his race with the night. 

The touch of the sun becomes a kind companion, warming his shoulders and arms, the sensitive skin of his back, his cheek. 

With a sudden burst of energy Steve breaks into a jog, heading back to what’s left of home.


End file.
